cristyjade

I said I was done with Tumblr

but, I just need somewhere to talk.

I feel like slowly, I”m just losing everything good in my life. Like everything is just slipping out of my grasp. This vacation and the past couple of weeks have made me realize things. I’m better off without him, I know I am. Im happy that that part of my life is over, but I also feel like I dont have a place anymore. I dont have a group of friends, I dont have someone to always be talking to, I dont have that one person wo was always asking me to hang out so that on a Friday night I wasnt worried about not having plans. It all sounds stupid, but it sucks horribly. I go on Facebook and see that he constantly has people that want to be talking to him and hanging out with him. And I think to myself, “Why the fuck does he come out of this stupid fucking breakup looking like a champ and having the time of his fucking life?”How is it fair at all that he comes out being completely happy, so happy that Im gone, so happy that he doesnt have to have me as a hassle anymore. It’s not fucking fair and I hate him more than anything for it. Being friends is completely out of the picture, no chance, no way. And now, Im left with having to sort things out for myself, to pick up the pieces and put them back together. It’s just not fair, but hey, when are things ever fair.

I just needed to write that somewhere, get it off my shoulders. No one else wants to listen to me.

Bye Tumblr.

I can’t do this anymore.

Worst New Years so far.

My camera broke for a reason that I am very unaware of. Fuck that.

Not talking to Jay. Fuck that.

I just want to sleep through this shit.

Got what I deserved

kind of?  I apologized for what I did, I said sorry, I feel bad, and we moved on.

Maybe you did, I didnt.

Jay continued to bring up the fact that he wants to be free, explore, and have no restrictions. Do you know how awful that felt? I immediately started crying. I had no idea how to act, what to do, or what to say. So we talked on the phone and I probably didnt stop crying. I just explained why I loved him and how I didnt feel like that at all, while trying to stifle my tears. And now that I think about it, it’s so pathetic. That I can’t be strong and independent. I need someone else for my happiness. It’s down right absolutely pathetic. He said that he couldnt just leave me, that he couldnt do it. Which in the end, most likely wont be the right decision for him. He’s not going to stop feeling like this, unless I stop getting so jealous. Which I honestly don’t see happening. Looking back on that conversation, there is so much more that I coud hae said, that needed to be said. I just want to go back in time.

And the worst part of it, I never expected it. I never expected him to feel like this or want to break up. And that is probably the worst feeling, just having it in the back of my head that he thinks about this. He’s not supposed to feel like this, he’s suppose to love me.

Yeah, maybe in my dreams.

It is such a sucky feeling when you feel like your own boyfriend doesnt really like you, your personality, or anythin about you at all.

Kinda feelin that right now.

And I really just want to cry because of it.

Hm.

Christmas. Good.

Family. Good.

Vacation. Good.

Boyfriend. Good.

Friends. Good.

Life. Good.

Everything. Good.

That about wraps it up right there for you.

Bryce Avery. Marry me? Please?

I’m happy :)

Fuck you

“Oh Windham has a gymnastics team?”

Yes you stupid fuckers Windham has a gymnastics team. About ten people asked me that today and I wanted to punch every single one of them in the face for asking me. I bet people thought that I was a bitch for snapping at them about it but its so annoying.

Sooooooooooo

Oh my….. I just got home from my first Windham gymnastics meet and it was horrendous, that is all I have to say. I wanted to cry because I missed Salem gymnastics so much. I can not wait for my meet on Monday at Salem<33333

Fuck you.